Stress Test

I have been told time and time again by the masses that I am “too stressed” and that I need to “just stop thinking about it” and pregnancy will happen when my mind and body is in natural alignment. I have read about this “theory” and heard input from others, but I’ve decided that I will let experience speak for itself. The only research I need is what other infertile/formerly infertile women say and very few would attribute their personal reproductive issues with feelings of stress. Furthermore, if my body cannot handle the natural everyday stressors any general person must face (work, finances, relationships) then surely there must be medical issues causing my inability to manage stress and have nothing to do with my willingness to “just chill” (therefore completely beyond my control anyway). 

recently had a friend visit my house (bless her kind soul) with genuine concern about my overall mental health (not the first intervention) and I felt myself denying all of her concerns, then, afterward I wondered if perhaps she could see something that I wasn’t acknowledging. So, true to myself, I’ve been self-reflecting for the past couple of days.  I talked to my husband, my sister, and mom about it, but I just can’t understand why people are still suggesting stress is a factor. Sure, I have a challenging job (I’m a mental health nurse specializing in brain injuries), and we have house finances to look after, as well as our very own brand of relationship woes, but I pride myself on balancing my home and work life so that I can be a healthy, contributing member of my family. The stressors that I can identify in my life are what keeps me striving forward, I complete my very best work under pressure, which is likely the provoking factor why I began this blog, however none of this stress is too much to handle that my body should be rejecting pregnancy.

I, personally, would like to question why we are all so quick to reject infertility as a genuine medical diagnoses, and instead offer advice to others like “relax”, “don’t stress”,“ don’t think about it and it will happen”. When someone is diagnosed with Cancer we certainly don’t say “hey if you quit smoking it will go away!” We recognize Cancer as the very thing it is, a medical condition all I ask is that you treat my infertility in the same way. In all honestly, I would love to hear people tell me what I should be doing rather than the accusatory ‘don’ts’.  One of my sisters texted me with the suggestion that I start Acupuncture, something tangible that has research supporting its benefits in fertility, a message I will always appreciate and something I plan on trying.  When I am asked to stop stressing, it’s like asking me to stop breathing, my reaction to stress or pressure in my life is a completely subconscious  process that even if told to control it isn’t as easy as, say, telling me I should try massage, or yoga (also helpful suggestions that I have begun to try).

I will say it once more, I AM NOT STRESSED OUT and for that matter I am not depressed (any more). I have accepted my destiny to travel this emotional journey through infertility, and any other stressors in my life are common to me and therefore do not create the adverse reactions that would warrant me to become infertile. Much like the other women that have infertility issues, I want to rip my hair out every time I hear a person diagnose me, but instead laugh when I realize their comments are my only source of my stress/anxiety. 

I’ve said it before and I will say it again that I am blessed to have so many loving, supportive, and concerned people in my life, but I do feel that I am in control of my emotions and I am managing all the complexities of my situation in the following ways,

1. Daily self-reflection to keep my emotions in check.

2. Attending a Yoga, Tai Chi, and Pilates fusion class (complete with a ten minute meditation period) along    with other fun gym classes.

3. Massage Therapy (specializing in stretching and strengthening the muscles necessary for carrying a baby to term)

4. Writing and sharing my feelings, concerns, etc. mainly through my blog and also with family and friends as needed.

5. Improving communication with my husband and God.

6. Keeping my work-life stress to a minimum and utilizing my vacation days to help facilitate this.

7. Getting proper amounts of sleep, taking all necessary prenatal vitamins, improving my diet, and managing my general overall health.

8. Reading and researching infertility.

9. Maintaining a positive attitude and outlook on my situation (I have realized there is a lot of necessary information to be learned from this).

10. Building a community of women in similar situations to support and inspire one another.

If at any time I am feeling overwhelmed, stressed, or depressed about this in the future I will turn to someone I love and reach out for help, because even more then you, I want what is best for me too.  As for now, I assure you I genuinely feel at peace, because I have finally learned to work through my infertility without looking at timelines, I can focus on each day as it comes, and share with all of you what I am learning and feeling so I can help make every womans  journey through infertility a happier one.

XOXO,

Lesleigh