Happy E, Happy Me: My Grown Up Christmas

So its Christmas time again, which marks a time of giving, love, and spending time with family. But this year I can’t help but reflect on the sadness surrounding this particular Christmas season, and for once, it’s not for my own self pity. I am reminded of the preciousness of life as I reflect on the events of the Connecticut school shooting, and imagining that it must be so very difficult for these families to find joy in these next few days. I imagine of those families the parents that have other children must be desperately trying to bury their sadness for the sake of their living children in order to keep the memory of Christmas Magical. I imagine all of the effected families are guilt stricken in the rare moments that they feel a small sense of happiness as their memories return to their young innocent child that was lost. I reflect on my disappointment and my shame in myself for being so internally focused while all this was going on.

I was inspired recently by a radio stations announcement to participate in the “26 acts of kindness”, as a way of building a positive memory of those lost on this day. It was described as a challenge for followers to participate in “26 Acts of Kindness” up until Christmas day, as a way of keeping the memory of this tragedy in a positive light. I was immediately compelled to participate in these acts and find every opportunity to live out these “26 Acts of Kindness” before Christmas came. I was not successful; in fact, I only completed one (very lame) act of kindness. Granted, I made it a much more difficult challenge for myself since I agreed to only count the twenty-six acts that I found to be “Above and Beyond” my usual. For instance, I often hold doors for others and I am polite during interactions with sales people, so neither of these seemed suitable in this instance. I also found that it was often others that scooped up these opportunities of kindness since the Christmas season tends to bring out the softer side of our neighbors. So, my confidence in the kindness of humankind has been restored, if just for a short time, but It was refreshing none-the-less. I wonder then, what will become of our world when the New Year begins? Will we have forgotten all these innocent lives and moved on to our own selfish requests? Will we have forgotten to be kind to others? Will the memory of this tragic event disappear with the more current news of the world?

I was lucky enough, to have my prayers answered by God, and to be blessed this Christmas with the sense of hope for a brighter tomorrow. I am drawn into the dreams of my future Christmas’ with a growing child, and with each New Year a better experience. I feel selfish as I read back to my former posts; how I have never asked for prayers for others, How I never considered that there may be others out there that deserve their prayers answered before my own. In fact, I follow an inspirational blog called Fertility Doll, about a woman who has been struggling with her infertility, faith, and emotion for five years. I honestly, can’t even imagine how angry I would be had my prayers not been answered by then!! Though, not once, have I mentioned her before, and not once had I asked for prayers in her name. As I approach the beginning of 2013, and reflect on bringing my child into a safer and more thoughtful world I will commit to offering more prayers for others (and not just when their tragedy is pasted on the news) and to continue living out the “26 acts of kindness” in all the ways possible, each and every month, after all who says such a thing needs a deadline?

If you are feeling so inclined I offer this challenge to you as well. I do not plan on posting about these acts of kindness again, because I feel like it is a personal sacrifice of self, and not to be revisited as a bragging right, though I will share with you my growth as a kinder more compassionate self and how I plan on using that knowledge to make me a better mother.