What Would Life Be Like?

Where would I be today if I got pregnant when we first started trying?? Ever wonder what life would be like if just one thing in your life had been different? What kind of ripple effect it would have on all the other aspects of your life?

I often wonder this myself. I consider what new knowledge I would have gained, or how it would change my routines, and how my everyday thoughts and considerations would be different. How would my relationship with Shane be changed, or the relationships with my friends and family. Life as I know it wouldn't even exist, I would be living in some alternate universe that is likely similar, but yet so distant from this one that is so familiar to me.

If I were pregnant after just a few months of trying I'd likely have conceived in March 2011, and let's just say I had a normal 40 week pregnancy, thus blessing us with a January baby. This would mean Shane and I would now be raising an eight month old baby. I would likely be feeling tired, my body image would be poor, we would likely be grieving our previous life. We would be dying for a "night of freedom" in exchange for our typical night in watching a movie that is frequently disrupted with cries from the baby monitor. We would likely have struggled with intimacy and communication in our relationship as is typical in the first year post-baby. I would be off work, but at this point be exploring my options for daycare and my return to work date since baby is approaching his/her first birthday. Each time I leave the house I would be trekking along the diaper bag,  toys, and snacks, I would be integrating new foods to baby's diet and monitoring his/her reactions to each, this would be the topic of my conversations too, and the highlights of my day. I would be running rampant with the camera still capturing each new movement and the essence of my child's life. I would be posting things like "poor pookies got a runny nose, thank god for backyardigans and mommy cuddles." as my Facebook status. I'd have traded make-up and my hair straightener for frequent diaper changes and load after load of laundry. My anxieties would be changed from work stress to "omg call Telehealth baby licked the dog!!!" I'd have packed up my heels and be wearing more practical footwear. My daily outings would be to local baby groups and stars and strollers matinees. Shane and I would wake throughout the night even when babe is sleeping just to watch him/her breath in those quiet restful moments and to confirm that he/she is actually breathing. Our house wouldn't look anything like the strategically organized, pristine place we know today. We'd have toys and play mats spread about the floors, and be distracted from chores to spend some playtime on the floor with baby. My family would be over daily to see little babe, and the house would be filled comments about how cute and adorable all the things little babe does are. Our dogs would be adapting to this new little being, and might have some minor behavioral issues as a result of coming second to the babe. Every errand we run would become a chore as baby has to be bundled and packed in to the car, I'd have grown new muscles in my arms from swinging the car seat around stores. This is just touching on the amount of difference there would be in our lives.

Even as I write this, I find myself getting lost in this alternate life, imaging with such reality the cries and sounds babe makes, the color of babes eyes, and the way his/hair curls ever so slightly just at the tips. I imagine the smell of his/her skin, and how soft if feels against my face as I kiss him/her to sleep. Most people would say "I can't imagine how different life is going to be when baby arrives" but not me, I can imagine every detail, and sure its not going to be exactly as I depict, but I know I am ready. We have been preparing for this for so long now it is so hard to imagine it not happening. This is why I still hold on to the hope, and still continue to prepare, and when it does happen I will be ready and I most definitely will be In-Love!