Welcoming your first child into the world is complete bliss. Every moment is inhaled and taken in as if life never truly existed until that very moment your precious child was born. Time slows but has a way of breezing past you at the same time and his first day quickly turns into his first month as you wonder how you managed to last that long with little-to-no sleep.
For us, it was a constant reminder of how "new" we are to all of this. We walked into the hospital all cocky and ready for his birth, inflated with overconfidence and "preparedness". Oh! how humbled we have become since then! But now we face each day, as if the next is never promised, after all, through our journey of infertility we learned how precious life truly is, and how hard it is to come by. It's not that Elliott is a handful, just that our expectations of parenthood were so "7th Heaven" (easy and sugar-coated), and of course, the evil hormonal imbalance hits a post-natal woman like a ton of bricks.
Needless to say, Shane and I soon realized we have a lot to learn, but we remain humbled and ready to be educated with and by our son as he teaches us each cue, just as every parent works with their child to iron out these things together.
Behind the closed door of our home (and I don't mean to brag) is a happy family striving to provide their child with the best life one can give them. We are okay with that, because we know we are investing our best regardless of what we know.
Then the moment we open the front door we are faced with the deadly stares of scrutiny and conviction from a society filled with seasoned parents (I don't mean to categorize every parent, but there is a large number of them) who believe they know us and our son better then we do. They offer, not advice, but weighted opinion with each circumstance, then hold their breath as they expect us to act out their technique immediately. Leaving us an irritated, teeth-clenching, unsure-of-yourself mess before walking idly on to their next new-parent encounter.
When I log onto my social media sites I am consistently reminded that "Breast is Best" and though I don't necessarily disagree (Elliott is currently breastfed), I feel it is unnecessary for the world to send out the message that Formula-fed babies are "sub-par". I converse, on a daily basis, with nearly 200 new moms, and know through some of their experiences that formula feeding was a life saver in many different ways. I do not understand why, as a parenting community, we have come to believe that breastfeeding needs to be "normalized", every woman knows she in fact owns a pair of (insert breast size here). Every woman is aware of the functional ability of their breasts, and that this said function is NORMAL. What needs to be spread worldwide on picket signs, and spray painted on our chests is this; difficulty with breastfeeding is a NORMAL symptom of postpartum, it is NOT a choice! This includes; difficulty with supply, problems with latching, complications with muscle/tissue/nipple state, blocked ducts, mastitis, and the mental state of a new mom. Remember what I stated above about the evil hormonal imbalance, well, YES, it does cause temporary clinical mental conditions that could potentially cause a disturbance in the success of breastfeeding, and happens to also be a perfectly excusable reason for a woman not to breastfeed. Let me make this clear; I am NOT disregarding breast milk as the most beneficial nutritional substance a mother can give her child, but I will say this, any mother who LOVES her child abundantly (regardless of breastfeeding) is still providing him with the single most valuable thing a child needs. When I was in my first moments of postnatal bliss, My son was laid on my chest not for his innate sense to "root" for my nipple (although he did that too), but for his innate sense to hear, feel, and touch the place from which he was rooted, deep within my heart!
I BELIEVE IN BREASTFEEDING!!!!! I can't stress that enough! However, I do not believe in "preaching" to the unable masses that they must also believe in this too! I do NOT believe that it is the right thing for everybody, and I DO believe that it is far more damaging (for both mother and child) to breastfeed under the wrong circumstances then to not breastfeed at all. Formula companies, may not have our best interest at heart, but they also do not have our worst interests at heart either, they are simply learning to mimic breast milk so that it may be more equally integrated into a needy childs life (it can't possibly be perfect). I, for one, am glad that as women we have that option if/when our bodies (or minds) fail us.
I recently had a terrible encounter, with a group of women who didn't just believe that "Breast is Best" but lived it and breathed this down other womens throats. They enforce(d) their thoughts through cyber-bullying and hailed that all those who didn't believe like them were quite simply narrow-minded. This is funny, because, I for one, began this encounter with them stating that they needed to be less forceful, and more openly acceptable to circumstance of these women and provide help/support/ and education as their page advertised to provide. Turns out their page was simply a misleading signal to draw in poor unsuspecting mothers, and turn them into feeding machines.
I will not lie, and say that breastfeeding doesn't bring me pride because it does, but more importantly it brings me thankfulness that I have been blessed with a stress-free, no complication, joyous, baby-bonding experience. I do not need to strip down to my bra in the middle of a busy mall and show the world how proud I am, because perhaps the meek young thirty-something woman sitting across from me has just made her first public appearance after an emotional loss over her ability to have her own children at all.
I suppose what I am trying to say is that we have to put the psychological state of ourselves and our children first. No amount of forcing yourself to do something you resent will make any one better off. If the controversial decisions we make can be justified by creating a stronger bond between you, then so be it! And when you encounter the nay-Sayers, remember this, there is not a soul in this world that has mastered parenting, not a child that is alike, and not a tried-and-true solution that addresses each individual problem. Parenting is a journey, not a prescription for raising children.
Much Love,
Lesleigh
**Disclaimer** This post is simply intended as food-for-thought, although some of what is written may be viewed as controversial, I do encourage you to think about what works best for you. Research does show that breast milk is the best supplement for a growing infant and that should be valued greatly in your decision making.
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